0011

GP paper is over. Lots of ‘I should have…’ but I am pretty satisfied with my own improvement. I felt much more confidence than from last time. I hope I will feel the same for all the other upcoming papers. And thanks to Ms Rattna who helps me in GP. She taught me a lot of skills required for GP that cause me to have more faith in my paper. Haha I doubt she will ever read this.

Went for colours award in the evening. Before that I was supposed to be in a photo shoot for the Hall of Fame. I think its to recognize and record all the achievements of performing arts groups and sports in NJC. However, due to reasons which I did not even know, I decided not to take part in the photo shoot. I seriously have no idea why I didn’t want to be in it. Well, there is really no need to ponder over it.

A sudden thought came to my mind when Mrs Cheng was speaking on stage (apparently I was not listening to her), and I cannot imagine how my JC life will be if there was no CCA, no Western Dance. For sure, the two years I would spend in JC will be very dull, unexciting and boring. I will probably be spending the time that I had used to attend dance practices to play computer game or blog hogging or serve the net without a purpose. If to put in simple terms, it would mean that I will be wasting my life bit by bit doing nothing, or doing something, but of worthless value. I think this is same for everyone else, not only people in western dance. People in other CCAs or even students from other JCs will feel the same too. We need some form of balance, and joy not from mugging but from enjoying the same activity, sharing quality time or learning something new in our everyday lives. CCAs have actually piled on more workload to our JC lives yet most of us will feel that it’s worth it. We become busy and probably allow our results to plunge. However we do not give up those joys. It is the time that we spend with our friends doing the same thing, developing the same interest or even having common stupid jokes that make us look forward to our days in JCs. (at least for my case)

I have most probably spent more time dancing than studying, which in the past I do not fear, instead enjoy doing it. It is the love for dance that keeps me going. However, I do admit that I should have place more emphasis on my studies since last year. I only got this ‘enlightenment’ this year, that academic excellence, in the end, has its importance way ahead of CCA. (Very late right?).

Even so I do not regret the choice I made. It is dance that makes my JC life much more meaningful. The sensation on stage while awing the audience is indescribable. The excitement and adrenaline from dancing is beyond words. I love the thrill and enjoyment I have experienced. Apart from that, the friends that I made and the confidence I gain are also of equivalent importance.

There are fears at times when I am afraid I am not achieving higher standards in dancing and develop slicker moves or more professional skills. Fear that I lose out to the others in dance. Fear that I will never be the best. Today I realize that the greater fear does not lie in the trepidation of losing out, but rather in the hope to give up dancing.

0049

I love dancing.

2345

Alryt Cheryl wants me to acknowledge her since she is the one who told me about the test. Haha.

I m facing a dilemma now:should I pon school tomorrow? It is supposedly the last day of school tomorrow and I want to spend more time studying GP. How how how??

Well I had a thought today and I found it very scary in the sense that it knock sum sense into me and get me really awake. You know there are times whereby you hope you can turn back time and start all over again, and be able to fix certain stuff that u wish u could have done better? Yeah I was thinking about how I could have done better. However, it also means that we only have one chance for many things we do. Then I realize that for now, with so much uncertainty in the future, I have many ‘one-chance’ that I need to hold onto and make the best out of it. It is scary that I have not prepared enough for the upcoming exam. God knows where the hell I will end up if I do not do well.

Though it is not the first time I face such thoughts, I m still kind of shock. Yeah I have thought of making the best out of my everyday before, yet I m not holding on to the ‘one-chance’s that I have. Weirdo

I m going to work harder and harder

2355

enlightenment

0113

Yes I know I am supposed to be mugging now. But I am too brain dead to think about what points to include in the GP essay. So I am here!

First and foremost, I shall put aside my problems for a while. Today I find the act of a friend of mine disapproving. Well I am not the only one who thinks in this way.

Dear friend,
If you happen to read this I hope u understand that we do care about you. It is quite sad to see that all of a sudden u decided to give up totally on school work. I have no idea why and even if I have guesses in my mind I really hope it’s not because of that. Those who express their disappointment are not trying to force u into doing something you do not like. They just hope that you would see the thing they see in the same light; hope you would wake up and face the truth; to see that what is genuinely important now. Paper qualification is one thing; self achievement is another different story. You may not agree to what other people view but I sincerely hope that you will not regret the choices you make in the future.

One last thing, those who still care will always welcome you back. You will still be the same person no matter what. Hope you will be able to find your inner self.

Wah this has become like drama whereby choices are difficult to make. I hope what I write is not too harsh

Lastly to sign off I took a online test about colour coding, and I find it quite amazing. Most of it are rather true.
my colour is blue

BLUES are motivated by INTIMACY. They seek to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated. Everything they do is quality-based. They are loyal friends, employers, and employees. Whatever or whomever they commit to is their sole (and soul) focus. They love to serve and give themselves freely in order to nurture others' lives.

BLUES have distinct preferences and have the most controlling personality. Their personal code of ethics is remarkably strong and they expect others to live honest, committed lives as well. They enjoy meaningful moments in conversation as well as paying close attention to special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries).

BLUES are dependable, thoughtful, and analytical; but can also be self-righteous, worry-prone, and moody. They are "sainted pit-bulls" who never let go of something or someone, once they are committed. When you deal with a BLUE, be sincere and make a genuine effort to understand and appreciate them.

Understand that no two BLUES are exactly alike. Although you share the same core motivation as many others, your personality is still unique to you alone.

take the test here:
http://www.thecolorcode.com/

i quite like blue
0132

1148

Okay I have got an essay to do but I have decided my motivation to work has really – phew! Gone! So I m slacking ard updating my blog and hope to gain back the rush to work hard.

Saw this on rach’s msn nick : if u dream with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part. Or sth like dat. Haha. It sounds cool though. And it rhymes! Haha

Actually I got nothing to blog about today. So signing off here. Oh hope my leave is permitted.

C ya around!

1156

1219

Ok this is the third time I m trying to update. Was DC twice before I can finish typing and click on ‘publish’

Watched campus superstar yesterday and was disappointed twice. First was when Benjamin didn’t win the guy’s champion and second was when Keely didn’t win the overall champion. Obviously I m not in favoured of Shawn. Honestly speaking I think he is good but not as good as the others. I felt that Benjamin was much better. However it is still a competition largely judged by the votes from fans. So was it a fair competition I think we all know. I should stop ranting or it would not be very nice for a 13 year old boy.

Open day was quite fun even though I have to attend lecture at 3.40pm. I only managed to catch the ‘sweet escape’ item and it was good! Keep up the hard work people! Bring glory to western dance! Then I stop by juniors booth to disturb and just slack around. What a stupid thing to do at this time. I should be mugging isn’t it? =p

Then went to town for dinner, and met oe’s parents quite surprisingly. They even treated us to dinner at pepper lunch! I start to like the food there haha. Even oe’s dad said it’s nice. Haha. Thank you auntie uncle. They are such nice people.

Talk about eating, think I have eaten too much food this few days. and slack around too much. Come on I need some motivation to work work work!! Exam is only few days ahead!

Heard this 西界 song on campus superstar last night. This lyric is nice.
By JJ Lin.

阳光越过窗沿 我在阴影里面
才过正午13点 就漆黑一片
没有人看得见 我心深处的阴暗面

只能眺望东边 你的世界太远
撑到想象的极限 幸福有多甜
可黑夜已吞噬我 就是拉不到你的手

因为我活在西界 只拥有半个白天
一到午后夜色就蔓延
虽然和你面对面 却看不到我的脸
感觉到你不安的视线

在西界的那一边 只能有半个白天
暗自祈祷上天的垂怜
在长夜的边缘 给我一丝光线
让你能多看我一眼

1233

我连和你擦身而过的机会都少得可怜
为何老天会如此安排？
我想要的不过是一个微笑
和默默的等待
让你能多看我一眼

2322

well i have just watched the ghosts whisperer on channel 5. the episode is about this guy who love music are cursed not being able to play. there are actually two ghosts stuck onto him. one is his father who onli want his son to play classical when he was still alive; while the other one is his band's lead singer who died in a plane crash. since the death of his best friend(ie the lead singer), the guy was not able to play music anymore. there are always feedback or disturbance whenever he wants to play. at first it is thought that it was the father who prevented him to play and the fren trying to chase away the father's spirit. however it was later found out that it was the frens's spirit who keep interrupting his playing. he was jealous of the talent the other guy has. but in the end they managed to chase the fren's spirit away.

it was a nice episode with nice song to listen to at the end. it was a song by midnight hour

Running Away
Don't lie and say that it's OK.
It's alright here, there's nothing more to say.
So I'm running away.
I'm leaving this place.
Yeah, I'm running away.
I'm running away.

Don't tell me, I don't want to play.
It's too late for you to make me stay.
No, I won't stay.
So I'm running away.
I'm leaving this place.
Yeah, I'm running away.
I'm running away.

And faster than you can follow me from this lonely place.
And farther than you can find me, I'm leaving
Yeah I'm leaving today.
And I, I'll never let you find me.
I'm leaving you behind with the past
No, I won't look back.
And I don't want to hear your reasons.
Don't want to hear you tell me why I should stay.

And try, and try to understand me
And try to understand what I say when I say I can't stay
I, I'm moving on from this place
I'm leaving and I won't quit running away.

I'm running away.
I'm leaving this place.
Yeah, I'm running away.
I'm running away.

i have the shock of my life..and the desperation i never felt before. i really hope it is not what i thought it wud b. there is no way i can take it easily.
i wana run away from this cruelty. if that is what u want, well u have gotten it

2322
nothing much is actually happening recently. all muggin and nothing much else basically. i need a rush/motivation to drive me mugging.

1952
So after such a long time i m going to try revive my blog. Its in dormant for a very long period of time. Sorry people I am kind of slack

Went to sushi yesterday! The nihon miza or something like dat. Quite a few people came: renuka, juin, Cheryl and annarine. Juin ate so much octopus and went there so many times even the worker there knows her! i quite like the place coz the ambience is nice.

Then there is the national day celebration this morning. It was at the parade square and well it went rather well. Although the house walk in was a bit weird in the sense that it is a bit boring at times. But it was nice looking at the juniors dancing and c how much they improve. Sophia u improve a lot leh…haha I doubt u will c my blog.

Well then went to eat pepper lunch. Juin was right. The sauce is nice! But it was kind of expensive though. I m BROKE!

Then nothing much dun like to recall what happened. So I will try to update more often

2004

Confused, sad, deterred.
I think it is a truth that I dun wan to believe